Have that difficult conversation
““Budget.” It’s the least fun part of planning…”
Photo: Epic Photos
It’s the least fun part of planning, but NOT having a well-defined budget up front puts you in jeopardy of running short on funds before the wedding day even arrives. Being completely transparent about your finances when determining the wedding budget allows you to stay on track throughout the process of planning.
Where do I start?
Your first step as a couple is to come up with that BIG number. You know, the one you have in your head that just “sounds right,” even though you’ve never planned a wedding before. At this stage it’s most important to ask yourselves, “What is the largest amount we can comfortably imagine spending on our wedding day?” I’ve had couples shrug their shoulders and tell me, “Oh, we don’t really have a number in mind.” If this is your response, then I would ask if $75,000 will work. Or is $150,000 the right number? Aha! So you DO have a number in mind!
As a wedding planner, I can definitely help get you to this number by giving you guidelines for what wedding expenses to anticipate and what they may cost based on your wedding vision. (Spoiler alert: keep reading!)
Who else should I talk to about my budget?
If you and your fiancé are going to independently finance your wedding, you can skip this whole section. However, if you are relying on assistance from family or other resources, then read on!
With your overall budget now in mind, it would be best to have a conversation with anyone who may be helping fund your wedding day. Before diving into the details of what amount may come from which source, you’ll need to know the answers to these questions:
Will parents from both sides will be contributing?
What about stepparents, godparents or other family members?
Do you have a trust, inheritance or other resource you will access?
If parents or family on both sides are not contributing, this can be a sensitive area to navigate.
Ok, let’s take a quick break from budget talk for a side bar.
Are you ready? I’m going to tell you something you may not know…
Weddings bring drama. Yep. It doesn’t matter how ah-mazing your family relationships may be currently. There. Will. Be. Blood. (Er, drama.) I share this insight having been a wedding planner for over 25 years. It may or may not be a lot of drama, but you can definitely expect some.
That said, money is where the drama almost always surfaces. Let me first say this – as a couple, this is YOUR day, and YOU are the orchestrators of what should happen. Second, I’m going to tell you that others who are contributing (or not contributing) may feel they have a say so as well. And they do. Sort of.
Hold the phone. “What are you saying, Rhonda? Are you telling me my parents have the right to take over my wedding because they’re paying for it?” Nope. Not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is this can be a sensitive area to navigate – emphasis on navigate. And it’s because they FEEL they have a say so. It all depends on the base relationship you have with said parents (or family, or friend who is a millionaire) and whether you must take steps to create boundaries with them so you have the day you want and also allow them to feel heard and included in the process.
That’s it. There is no script for this.
Over the years, I have worked with many couples and parents to navigate budget, planning and other drama in which the end result is a happy (and blood-free) experience for all. So if you need an experienced planner who can help in this area, I’m here for you. “Because I’m a g*dd*mn professional!” Quote from my favorite movie, The Wedding Planner (of course).
Ok, back to budget talk.
How do I have the ‘money talk’ with my parents?
Not having the money conversation up front can cause unnecessary stress and failed expectations for everyone during the planning process. If parents or others are planning to contribute funds for the wedding, sit down with them in advance and talk realistically about what they can afford – without credit cards.
Here is, as an example, a distribution of funding you could come away with after talking with your parents or other contributors regarding a $50,000 overall budget:
Wedding couple - $10,000
Bride’s parents - $20,000
Groom’s parents - $15,000
Bride’s godmother - $5,000
Insert your family situation here, and break it down as applicable based on your budget and what each party says they can contribute.
What if we’re on our own?
What if you have no outside assistance for funding and do not have on hand the amount you want to spend on your wedding? This is a very common occurrence. Sometimes parents may wish you all the best, but do not have the funds available to help with your wedding. Or, sometimes parents may withhold funds because they have a difference of opinion regarding your wedding. Either situation can be challenging, leaving the couple to fend for themselves when it comes to paying for everything on their own.
Part of budgeting for your wedding can absolutely be setting aside part of your paycheck every month once you decide what your overall spending will be. However, for the best financial success, the primary portion of your budget should be saved and available in advance – BEFORE you set your wedding date.
Why? Because taking big chunks from your paycheck when you aren’t used to that can lead to relying on credit cards to fill in the gap with everyday living expenses. And let’s face it – going into debt to have the “wedding of your dreams” is not the best foundation for beginning your new life together.
Even if your wedding is over a year away, thinking you will put money aside toward your budget along the way is not the best solution. A ‘pay as you go’ method may be fine for that new sofa for your apartment, but delaying vendor payments for weeks or months as you gather the funds may add stress and financial strain to what should be a joyful wedding journey.
Instead, set your budget based on immediately available funds and plan your wedding within that boundary. This goes for parents and other contributors as well. The scenario of your father saying, “Whatever my baby girl wants, she gets!” can put him in a financial hole as well if he’s paying his portion with credit cards or pulling from a retirement fund.
What if I want a bigger wedding than I can afford?
Does your wedding vision rival that of J’Lo and Ben’s, with the multiple dress changes included? Do you want to invite 300 people but can only afford to feed 80? You are not alone! With the influences of Instagram, Pinterest and good ol’ fashioned peer pressure, we ALL want more than we can afford. So how do you avoid “settling” when it comes to your budget vs. your dream wedding?
There are three fail-proof ways to stay on budget:
Hire a wedding planner.This may sound a little self-serving, but one of the main roles of a planner is to help you create a realistic budget and keep you on track throughout the planning process! A planner will make sure before every financial decision that the budget is consulted to ensure no overspending occurs, and she will keep your priorities in focus and spending in check.
Let’s say, for example, you want to hire that amazing 10-piece live band you saw at a friend’s wedding last summer, but your entertainment budget line item is currently $3500. Your ‘in-the-know’ wedding planner will gently inform you that the starting price for a live band is about $7500. She will then start a discussion with you regarding creation of your wedding day priorities (ahem, see #3).
A planner will also only refer vendors within your budget. In the above example, your planner will also know she can recommend several amazing DJs (with an upgraded sound system and comprehensive lighting package included) for $2500-$3000!
Reduce your guest list.There’s no way around it – the more people you invite, the more food, alcohol and centerpieces you’ll need to pay for. So it makes sense that when your number of guests goes down, so do your overall expenses.
An easy way to figure out how much you’ll spend per person is to divide your total budget by your total guest count for a total per person expense. The more guests, the less you have to spend per person.
Examples:
$50,000 divided by 250 guests = $200 per person
$50,000 divided by 125 guests = $400 per person
On average, you can expect to spend about $250 per person on your wedding. This includes everything from invitations to food to the getaway car. Everything. So if you want to invite 100 people, expect to spend $25,000. This figure is completely customizable and dependent upon how lavish or conservative you want your day to be. The cost goes up when you choose more expensive entrees, an open bar or extravagant centerpieces.
Set (or reset) your wedding day priorities.If your priorities are food, photography and entertainment – you have the right idea in mind! If, however, your priorities are cake, monogrammed favors and Louboutin shoes…well, let’s talk about that girlfriend.
Here is an example of how you should expect to divide up your total spending:
Venue, Catering, Beverages - 45% (aka, your reception)
Wedding Planner - 12%
Photography & Videography - 10%
Music/Entertainment - 5%
Décor/Florist - 5%
Attire/Beauty - 8%
Transportation - 2%
Stationery - 3%
Favors/Gifts/Insurance/Rings/Childcare - 5%
Cake - 2%
Ceremony/Miscellaneous - 3% (does not include décor)
Image courtesy of Haley Jayne Weddings & Events
You can easily see with the category breakdown that if you spend $3000 on your wedding dress and your overall budget is $50,000, you are already at 6% (out of 8%) and have not yet accounted for accessories, alterations, shoes (especially those LBs!), hair and makeup services, etc. Likewise, if you spend double your percentage for a photo/video package, you will have less to put towards the essentials of food, beverages or a venue that perfectly sets the tone for your day.
What other wedding budget items do I need to think about?
What else could there be, you say? Well…there’s a lot.
How about budget line items for other wedding-related events such as bridal showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties, the rehearsal dinner, next day brunch, and so on? While the primary cost of these events may be taken care of by family or wedding party members, you will want to think about associated expenses like travel and new outfits.
You will also want to consider added wedding day expenses like his and hers signature drinks for the bar, vendor tips, taxes, invitation postage, signage, wedding party gifts, setup/breakdown/delivery fees for rentals, and more. Your planner can help ensure you don’t miss unexpected expenses and account for them in your spending!
How do I stay on track with my vendors?
And speaking of those professionals who will make or break your wedding day experience…
When you book a service, most only require a deposit, with the bulk of your balance due within the month before your wedding. This can cause serious sticker shock if it all piles up. And while your planner will make sure the total cost falls within your overall budget line item, how you pay out that expense is also a factor – and one which your planner will assist with.
During the planning process, ask your vendors about making monthly payments to reduce large lump sum payments just before the wedding. Hint: This is also where having all of your budgetary funds available in advance can be helpful. Most vendors are very flexible with accepting payments anytime between initial booking and the final due date, and are even more inclined to do so when you are working with a planner. (Hey, I don’t make this stuff up.)
Working with a planner also saves money with vendors because they are more likely to pass on discounts that your planner will, in turn, pass on to you since there is more security for a vendor knowing you have a planner running the show.
Working with a planner
Getting engaged is exciting, and a planner can help maintain that level of excitement by helping you create and maintain your wedding budget. So, to sum things up, the benefits of working within a budget and having a planner assist with this are:
Get help creating a budget and knowing what your wedding will cost
Get help having those difficult conversations with other who are contributing to your wedding
Get help staying on budget throughout the planning process
Get referrals to vendors within your wedding budget
Get discounts offered as a result of having a planner
A wedding planner can best answer questions regarding how to set up your wedding budget, as well as help manage your wedding budget throughout the planning process, giving you an added layer of confidence.
Make the budget discussion your first priority after getting engaged, and set yourselves up for a smooth path to your wedding day.
Meet with your planner, discuss your budget up front, and do not sugar coat what you can afford. Be as up front with your wedding planner about your wedding budget as you were with each other, and you will have a well-prepared planner who is working with you from the very beginning to create the wedding day you have dreamed of.
If you have questions about wedding budgets or want budget assistance, I am here to help and would love the opportunity to be your planner!
Warmly,